In Loving Memory
by Ale Curtis-Carter
Summary: Starting with the memory in Deathly Hallows, the relationship with Lily and Snape spirals. Written with a good friend of mine, Sarah. WARNING: SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED DEATHLY HALLOWS!
1. And So it Ends

Written with a good friend of mine, Sarah, here you go.

**In Loving Memory**

_Chapter one: And So it Ends. _

"I'm sorry." Severus Snape looked down at his feet as he spoke.

"I'm not interested." Lily Evans answered, her voice dripping with stoicism.

"I'm sorry!" Snape repeated, grabbing Lily's wrist to stop her from going back

inside as she turned around.

"Save your breath." Lily snapped, wheeling around. "I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

"I was. I would have done." Snape said, trying to convince Lily of all he'd do to get her to forgive him. "I never meant to call you, Mudblood, it just —"

"Slipped out?" Lily's harsh tone contradicted Snape's pleading one. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends — you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"  
As Snape opened and closed his mouth, trying to think of something to say, something to fix it, Lily made her resolve.

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine." She hid the pain it caused her to say this to the boy she'd considered her best friend for years. Snape didn't bother to hide the fear as he begged.

"No — listen, I didn't mean —"

"— to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?" With that, Lily swung around and climbed back into the portrait hole.  
On the other side of it was no longer the boy she had learned to trust and had become so close to. He was a man, a monster, enamored with the dark arts. She fell back against it and breathed in and out. Her eyes began to fill and her face became salty wet.

"So Lily, what happened?" Mary was coming down the stairs from the girls dormitory, her long, curly blonde hair bouncing around her face. Lily quickly wiped her tear so as not to let Mary see her crying over the greasy haired Slytherin's lost friendship.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Lily, why did you even talk to him. He's so, weird." Mary said, running over to Lily as soon as she spotted her. "How can he try to talk to you after calling you such an awful thing?!"

"There was a time," Lily said with tears in her eyes, "when he would've said blood didn't matter."

"Snape?!" Mary said astonished. "Not care about blood?!"  
Lily turned to face the portrait and stared at it, almost as if any second now she would hear, 'Lils?' through it. Her emerald eyes bore into the back of the painting.

"I'll be up in a minute, Mary." Lily said, her eyes never leaving the back of the portrait. With a shrug and a sympathetic look, Mary left Lily to her thoughts.  
Mary had never understood why she associated with Severus Snape, and now she couldn't understand why he had the ability to hurt her friend so much. But she didn't know that Snape was still standing outside the portrait, not believing that he had lost his best friend. He finally accepted that he wasn't coming back out, and turned to go back to the Slytherin common room. He walked slowly, wanting least of all to reach his destination. To see his friends now, the friends that caused his best friend to hate him would be to add insult to injury. He wondered why he'd even befriended these boys. He didn't truly believe any of the things he said or laughed at when with them. But Lily didn't understand. She was stronger than he was. She'd be friends with whoever she wanted to and it if someone didn't like it, they could just sod off. But Snape, he was different. He needed to be liked. He'd always needed to be liked. And he'd always gone about it wrongly.  
His feet found the puddle in the dungeons before his head wanted him too. He mumbled the password and went into the common room. It was late and he'd half hoped no one would be awake. But a tall blonde boy sat at the center of the room, skimming through a book.

"Where've you been?" He asked.

"Uh…" Snape fumbled, as he thought of something to say. "My cloak."

"Your cloak?" The boy raised an eyebrow.

"Um, yeah…" Snape said. "I left it in the library so I went back…"

"Then where is it?"

"Oh, erm…well it wasn't there."

"Uh huh…" Said the boy, obviously disbelieving.

"Well, then, good night, Lucius." Snape scrambled to his dormitory.

"Severus, where've you been?" A voice asked as Snape crept into the room, where the lights were out, and everyone appeared to be sleeping, except the owner of the voice.

"Never mind, Avery." He snapped and crawled into his own bed. Snape stared up at the ceiling as he thought. He and Lily had been friends from the age of nine, and now, at 15, their 5th year of Hogwarts…it was all over. Nothing seemed to matter anymore, really. Not with his best friend gone.


	2. And So it Begins

Lily had meant what she said. She knew that a friendship with someone who would later become a Death Eater wasn't one worth having. Even after two years since their fight, she missed him often, but she'd always tell herself that it wasn't Snape that she missed, it was who he used to be , and that was gone. She told herself that the person now known as Severus Snape was just the face of the friend she'd once had. One day, where she particularly missed him, she sat in a chair in the common room, early in the morning. She was the only one there; she hadn't felt like going to breakfast just yet.  
The silence was disturbed with James Potter clamoring down the stairs, late as usual. He was cursing the shoe he couldn't seem to get on while he ran. He stopped when he saw Lily.

"Why so glum, Evans?" He grinned as he jumped over the back of a chair and ended up sitting next to her.

"Don't you have somewhere to be, Potter?"

"Well, breakfast. But you should be there too." James reasoned.

"I'm not hungry." Lily stated.

"Me neither."

"Bullocks." Lily said. "You were just rushing to get there."

"What's up, though? Why are you so sad? You should be happy! Hogsmeade today!"

"I don't see how my emotions have anything to do with you." Lily snapped. "Look, I'll leave you alone if that's what you want, but —"

"So leave." Lily cut him off.

"I wanted to ask you," James went on as if he hadn't been cut off. "If you wanna hang out with me today in Hogsmeade."

"How many times do you plan on asking me out, Potter? Don't you —"

"Until you say yes." James shrugged.

"Fine!" Lily said, frustrated. "If I go with you will you just back off?!"

"Yes." James grinned.

"Then I'll go." Lily groaned. "But keep your hands to yourself."

"Not a problem!" James jumped up and ran out.  
Lily shook her head in utter disappointment in herself. After the years she had spent rejecting him, she had caved. She groaned. Her mind drifted to Severus and something she had one told him.

"I didn't mean – I just don't want to see you made a fool of – He fancies you, James Potter fancies you!" The words wrenched from him against his will. "And he's not… everyone thinks… big Quidditch hero – " Snape's bitterness was rendering him incoherent as he stared into the bright emerald eyes. Her eyebrows raised.

"I know James Potter is an arrogant toerag,"  
She shook her head and muttered to herself, "So is Severus."

"Lily?" Mary stood staring at Lily. Lily had been staring into space thinking of this conversation.

"What? Oh, Hello Mary."

"Are you okay? You just said 'Severus'."

"What? No I didn't. I wouldn't. If you'll excuse me, I have to go get ready for Hogsmeade."  
Lily stood and walked out of the portrait and down the stairs to breakfast leaving Mary in shock. Mary shrugged it off and copied Lily.

"She said yes?!" Sirius exclaimed as he sit next to James. "Way to go, mate!"

"Yeah, it's about time." Remus Lupin smiled, on the other side of James. "She's been saying no forever."

"Well, thanks, Moony." James said sarcastically, but his smile never faded. "You always know just what to say."

"So what are you gonna do with her?" Sirius asked.

"Well, you know." James pretended to think, as if he hadn't known the answer for years. "Walk around…get some Butterbeer…take her to the Hog's Head…into one of the rooms."

"James!" Peter Pettigrew looked up alarmed.

"Relax, Wormtail." James laughed. "I'm only joking."

"Yeah, go back to stuffing your face." Sirius said, annoyed. When Wormtail looked back down at his food, Sirius rolled his eyes at James, who shrugged, still smiling.

"Just walk around, really. Oh and the Butterbeer."

"Sounds good." Remus nodded.

"Mmhmm." Sirius said as he drunk his pumpkin juice, but James caught the malice in his voice.

"You, my friend," James said throwing an arm around him. "Will get lost." Sirius glared. The two were such good friends that they seemed to know what the other was thinking. And James was right. "Do I have your word, Padfoot?" He asked.

"Yeah, yeah." Sirius grumbled. "Go have fun on your little date," he took up a dramatic tone, "and forget all about your friends." He started to sniffle, and pretend to cry. "It's not like we're the ones who have been with you from the start!" Lupin rolled his eyes at James as Sirius raised his cup to his lips. James adopted the malicious look Sirius had just worn, and slapped him on the back, causing him to choke on his drink, spitting it out, and all near to roar with laughter.

"I'll get you back for that, mate." Sirius said, though he was laughing too.

"Oh, I'm sure you will." James grinned.

"Look," Remus said looking towards the door where Lily had just walked in. "It's your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend." James said as Lily was called over to the other end of the table. Mary had caught up with her by now and sat down with her.

"Not yet, anyway." Remus and Sirius said in unison.

"Feeling better?" Mary asked Lily.

"Sorry?" Lily said, distracted.

"Your head." Lily's friend, Vega Wood said. "Why don't you bring it back to earth?"  
Lily made a sarcastic face and laughed.

"I'm fine." Mary smiled.

"I was scared you'd have to stay back from Hogsmeade."

"Oh. Um. Well." Lily stuttered. "Actually, I'm not going to Hogsmeade."

"What?" Vega asked. "Why?"

"I have to study." Lily made up. "We have that Potions essay due tomorrow and I haven't started."

"What do you mean, you haven't started?" Mary asked. "You've been working on it since it was assigned!"

"Yes, but I was re-reading it and I don't like. I'm starting over."

"Lily, come on." Andromeda urged. "Just come to Hogsmeade. Do the essay later."

"No." Lily said. "I'm not going." Her friends sighed, seeing there would be no convincing her. "I'm gonna go get started." As she left, James was watching. He stood up and followed her out, without a word to his friends. But he wasn't the only one to follow. Snape had been watching the entire time, noticing that something seemed to be wrong with her. Even if Lily wanted nothing to do with him, he would never stop caring.

"Lily!" James called once they were in the hall. Lily turned around and Snape stopped in his tracks, yet to be seen.

"What is it, Potter?"

"We're still on, right?" James asked. "Hogsmeade?"

"You just asked me fifteen minutes ago."

"Well knowing you girls…you change your minds often."

"I'm glad to change my mind if that's what you really want."

"No!" James reacted as if someone had just cursed his owl. "I was just – "

"Then it is still a yes, Potter. You have to promise that after this, you will never ask me out again."

"Well, what if you have a good time? It's what I am planning on."

"Potter, if I absolutely have the best time I have ever had on a date with you then I might consider letting you break the promise, but you have to swear!"

"Fine, Fine, I swear." James sighed exasperatedly. He smiled and walked past Lily and up the staircase. Snape darted out from behind a statue.

"Lily, you can't date him!" He drawled.

"Who are you to tell me who I can and can't date?" She said, realizing it was her old friend before she had even turned. She grimaced at the sight that Snape had become. His face had become paler then she remembered and his eyes seemed somewhat glazed. He looked like a dementor constantly hovered over him, sucking his happiness from him.

"But Lils –"

"DO NOT call me Lils, we aren't friends anymore Severus." She wheeled around and began to walk away, but Snape did not give up so easily. He grabbed her wrist.

"Let go of me Snivellus!" Lily snapped. Snape's hand dropped in disgust.

"Why? You've become one of them." He accused.

"You became one of the enemy first." Lily turned and walked away, free of the bind that connected her and the Slytherins. Snape treaded back into the Great Hall and sat down next to Avery.

"Where'd you go?" Avery gulped down his mouth full of food.

"None of your business." Snape snapped impatiently. He glanced to the door, hiding the misery he felt. He stared so intently, almost as if he could see Lily heading towards the common room.

When she walked in, James was sitting there. He looked like he had put some extra work into making his hair look windblown and making himself look desirable. He looked at her, eyeing every inch of her. He reached her eyes and they stared at each other for a minute before James spoke.  
"Everyone'll be back from breakfast soon." He said. "We'll head to Hogsmeade then." The portrait was already open and people were all climbing in.

"I need to get ready." Lily said. She went upstairs. It's not that she wanted to back out…but she didn't want her friends to know she was going with James after saying no to him for so long. Anyway, he was too arrogant… the door to the dormitory opened and in walked Vega and Mary.

"Lily, you sure you won't come?" Vega asked.

"Positive." Lily assured. "You go, have a good time!"

"Okay…" Mary said, though she looked doubtful.

"I'll go next time." Lily smiled. "I promised."

"All right." Vega said, and she and Mary walked out. Lily stayed up there until she heard the noise completely die out. When she was ready to go back out, she heard a scream. She ran out and saw James at the bottom of the stairs that had become a slide.

"Bloody hell!" He cursed.

"You're not supposed to try and get up here…" Lily said amused.

"I realized that, thanks." James said rubbing his head.

"Why were you trying?"

"You took so long…" James said. "I thought something was wrong. I was trying to come see if you were okay."

"Oh…well um…I am." Lily said, feeling a little bad.

"Well, they've left for Hogsmeade already." James told her.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Lily said. "So we can't go…"

"Oh, yes we can." James grinned mischievously.

"But how?" Lily asked confused.

"Come with me." James got up and pulled out a piece of parchment. Lily followed him out.

"Where are we going?" She asked often but James always said "you'll see." They were walking and James said

"Almost there…" Never taking his eyes off the map when he suddenly grabbed her and pulled her into an empty classroom.

"What the hell are you doing, Potter?!"

"Filch is coming." He said.

"How do you know?" James showed her the map and explained everything.

"Okay, he's gone." He said. "Let's go." He took her to a statue of a witch and opened it.

"What are we doing?" Lily asked nervously.

"Do you trust me?" James grinned.

"Not at all."

"That's nice." James said sarcastically. "Just come on." She followed him in, though skeptically and they finally arrived at Honeydukes. James grinned at her.

"Welcome to Hogsmeade."


End file.
